Tuesday, February 22, 2011

I've been holding out

When I first started this blog, I didn't exactly make the decision to withhold some information about me and my journey, but I just didn't bother to address it.  As I get further into this though, I don't think it's fair to not be totally up front.

You see, I didn't come from an overly religious home and just this past year I finally came in to my faith.  I feel like this is a super awkward topic, but as I grow in  my faith, I find more and more people living in this weird limbo of having it but not talking about it.  People I never knew went to church every week, taught classes, and felt God changing their every day, have been popping up everywhere I turn. 

I must clarify though - I am by no means a bible beater.  I'm absolutely new at this whole thing and slowly finding my way around.  You will not see scripture popping up in this arena, but you will likely start seeing references to the way that my faith is changing things - because it is. 

I've talked about the fact that I was going to the Holy Spirit Retreat and that I tried out a class at my church as well.  Both things have had a huge impact on me in very different ways.  I have issues with failing and it took a lot for me to be able to acknowledge that the prayer class just wasn't for me.  It didn't feel right, it didn't make me feel good, and I just didn't want to be there.  But, that didn't mean that I wasn't "doing" my faith right.  It just meant that a certain class wasn't what I needed in this season of my life. (If you know me well, you know that this is a HUGE realization for me)

The Holy Spirit Retreat, on the other hand, made a big difference but in a subtle way.  Does that even make sense? Certain truths were revealed and spending a day and a half discussing the scripture and how the Holy Spirit is tied into every part of our faith and our life experience was amazing.  A lot of freedom came from that experience and along with it, I realized some more about myself and this journey.  I still have a lot to let go of, and even more importantly, I have lot more to give. 

There are just certain areas of my life that I'm still being selfish.  Places that I thought I wasn't, but really was acting like someone "owed" me something just because of certain circumstance or emotion I was having.  That's part of why I went back to the book I referenced in my last post, because I think it's important to give people the love and compassion that you also want for yourself.

I hope this honesty doesn't turn you off from continuing to read.  I feel like there is something big coming for me and I hope you stay around to see what happens!

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